Control–Or Trusting Enough to Give Control Away

Last weekend, my Queen and I had a weekend to ourselves.  It was a great weekend that featured some punishment for me, some wild and exciting sex, and a lot of orgasms for my Queen.  We watched some movies together, went for a couple of walks, had dinner out on one night–and got all our housework and errands done!  In short, it doesn’t get much better.

At one point, she was fully satisfied with our lovemaking and decided we were done!  I, of course, was dismayed to be stopping, but I have given my wife total control over our sex life so I stopped–it did take Angus quite a while to soften up though. lol  As she dressed, she commented that she didn’t understand why more women wouldn’t want to have total control over sex.  She finds she is hornier than ever but doesn’t feel the pressure to “perform” or to do what she isn’t in the mood to do.  Being in charge allows her to indulge in quickies or marathon sessions of love-making as she needs or wants.  She decides–I merely go with the flow.  The freedom of total control and choice is an aphrodisiac for her.   And denying me is getting easier and easier to do.  I think she was guilty at the beginning.  Now however she is enjoying the urgency and obvious desire that I display when given the chance to make any sort of love.  My ardour and sheer hunger for her turns her on.  Angus jumps to attention (or tries to) with the tiniest of encouragements from my Queen and that sense of guilt seems to be gone.  My desire is also a turn-on for her.  She has said that I won’t cum again this year, and while I didn’t believe her initially, I now think it is a possibility.  After all it’s been 90 days today (another new record) and nothing has changed. Only 269 days to get to January 1st.

There is more than volcanic sex to any good relationship.  Great sex is definitely one way to bring two people together, but if that’s all there is, the relationship will not last.  I’ve said it before, but communication is key!  Open, truthful, and trusting communication.  This is not always easy and at some times, it is downright difficult.  It means that both partners have to be willing to be vulnerable with each other.  But that ultimate trust in another person is the biggest way to bring two people together.

I wanted to try this chastity lifestyle.  I wanted to wear a cage and be denied.  I was terrified of how my wife might respond to hearing this.  And yet I broached the topic with her and we tried it out.  The first time was for 3.5 months.  It was exciting for me, but not as great for my wife.  Ultimately, we stopped for a bit, talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly, and finally returned to it last June.  The keys there were that we talked about it.  This time around, we are both enjoying the experience.  Our contract has been extended twice–it now ends on January 31, 2018.  I honestly believe it will be extended again–and again.  We are both enjoying positive experiences living this way.  I feel so close to my wife and she feels close to me.

Our communication has never been better and that is also in part due to the domestic discipline in our lives.  I admit that I don’t enjoy the actual discipline.  It’s weird, but I look forward to it, fantasize about it and get turned on both before and after experiencing it.  The weird thing is that I hate it when it is happening.   I just grit my teeth and try to outlast it.  One of these days she’ll break the wooden spoon on me and I will proudly make a post showing the broken implement.  This punishment process also seems to bring us together.

This brings us to the title of this post: Control and trusting enough to give that control away.  I have willingly given my penis, erections, and orgasms to my wife to control as she sees fit.  She named her penis Angus and uses it as she wishes.  The only way I could do this was to trust her implicitly.  I needed to know that she wouldn’t just lock me up and then throw away the key.  I had to trust that she would tease me and keep me excited while still denying me orgasm.  I have to trust that at some point she will allow me an orgasm.  She had to trust that I would not do anything to undermine her authority.  She had to trust that I would obey and follow her lead.  Because I love my wife and because she loves me, we have tried this lifestyle.  Because we communicate with and trust each other, the lifestyle is working for us.    I highly recommend it.  But if you like to orgasm frequently, it may not be for you! lol


  1. “I’ve said it before, but communication is key! Open, truthful, and trusting communication. This is not always easy and at some times, it is downright difficult. It means that both partners have to be willing to be vulnerable with each other. But that ultimate trust in another person is the biggest way to bring two people together.” THIS!

    Vulnerability with someone you trust brings the greatest intimacy. Trust takes lots of communication. We’ve always had these things in our relationship but D/s has grown and deepened our trust and communication, and our ability to be vulnerable with each other. I actually feel safer and less anxious under his control, and I believe he feels more empowered and protective.

    Wonderful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. We do struggle with communication quite a bit. I wish I knew how to overcome that.

    It was scary to “come out” to my wife that I wanted to submit to her sexually. Like your wife, it was just hard to get her head around it, especially when we started playing with male orgasm denial. I think she did feel a twinge of guilt, maybe not understanding why it would be exciting for me. But the vulnerability I feel about our femdom play really does make me feel more intimate to her, that she accepts my kinks. I do think that our culture tends to view the male orgasm as the finale for the sex act, e.g., a hetero couple hasn’t *really* had sex until he spills semen.

    How do you feel about going a year without an orgasm? How many climaxes do you think she will have in 2017?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. In my own life, I wonder if he enjoys not controlling this one thing. He runs the show in so many ways, so many places. I wonder if he likes that the only thing he can do is wonder, beg, plead…but take no action unless directed?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. its nice to hear of a couple who can be open with sex….I hear so many that arent. I guess it just means taking that step. but not all are as brave as you

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was in a sad marriage years ago. She didn’t like sex and gave me all sorts of negative vibes when I suggested even “more vanilla things”. I was determined not to have that sort of marriage/relationship again. I met my current wife in January of 2003 and was pretty open with her. Later I opened up even more and she never made me feel perverted or nasty. Sometimes she had to think about things but overall she has been very accepting of my kinks–and me of hers. I still had difficulty approaching her about my chastity desires, but I think she is starting to like things as they now are. She certainly doesn’t seem to feel any guilt about denying me anymore as I am approaching 100 days without orgasm. lol

      Liked by 1 person

  5. While you may not be a sissy because you do not wear women’s clothes, you are certainly sexually weak. You submit to being locked up, denied, and controlled emotionally and physically. Regardless of how you or others may try to spin it, it is weakness.. Male submission is weakness. Enjoy it as much as you like, but do not try to pass this off as strength.


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