So here I am living the dream! And I have a T-shirt that says that very thing. lol And yet, I’m also in my second marriage. My first marriage went about 12 pretty good years (though the sex was never epic) followed by some years that were really really bad! At the end, my then wife would move away from me in her sleep if I accidentally touched her. And Sex??? not happening!! Still, I knew on my wedding night that things weren’t ever going to be great between us. I guess I should have cut my losses at that point, but I always hoped for better. I even told my ex some of my fantasies, but there was no way that any of them would ever happen–even in the good times. She honestly cared very little about sex. Masturbation became my best source of sex–and I did it a lot! The only time she wanted sex was when she wanted to become pregnant. Unfortunately, we were very good at producing babies–each time we tried she was pregnant within the first week! And of course once she was pregnant, she didn’t want to have sex anymore. In our 17 year marriage, there are only 1-2 sexual occasions that are memorable. Most of the time, she didn’t even want an orgasm. She just wanted me to be done with the nasty deed. I came to dislike sex with her. It was far worse than masturbating.
So 911 happens! My ex uses that as an excuse to move out–because life is too short to live unhappily! That was a tough time in my life, because I still loved her. I just couldn’t figure out how to make her happy. Over several months, I came to accept she was gone and wouldn’t be back. We had two young girls, and they spent 50% of the time with each of us. When they were with me, I did nothing in the way of dating. But when they were at their mother’s, I decided to try dating.
I’m not a “go to bar and pick up girl” type of guy. And it had been a long time since I had dated. I didn’t know how to go about finding dates. Most of the women I worked with were involved with people so I decided to use the internet. Dating sites were in their infancy at that time, but I took the time to shoot a photo, and then posted it and a profile on this one site. I was honest–because I was looking for someone to share my life with. Sex was important to me, so I made sure that was mentioned. I did find it easy to meet women–and many were willing to get horizontal and to show me affection. Coming as I was from a marriage that hadn’t had any affection in over a year, it was nice to feel wanted again. I had a few shortish relationships (several months each), but no one was striking me as the type of girl I wanted my kids to know.
Finally about a couple of years after my ex had left, I received a message. It was a nice message and I responded. We started to email back and forth–and she passed a picture on to me–dressed I might add. My picture was also dressed. After only a few days, we exchanged phone numbers and really seemed to hit it off on the phone. For the first time in a long time I was optimistic. She lived about 54 miles away from me, so we arranged to meet at a neutral location that was approximately halfway between us. This was about 2 weeks after our first contact. We met and I was pleased with her appearance. Hours later, we closed the restaurant. We then went out to her car and sat in the car for a further 2.5 hours talking. Since we both had to work later that morning, we finally left for our respective homes. I knew at that time that I wanted to marry this woman. I told a good friend that I’d found my next partner–but I told no one else.
Our relationship developed rapidly. Within a very short time, I was spending all my time without my daughters with the woman who has become my Queen. She had two very young children who both were special needs. She had an ex who caused nothing but trouble once he suddenly reappeared in their lives. Her divorce was horrendous because of her ex. He actually fired three lawyers and started over because (I think) he didn’t like what his lawyers were telling him. In the process, he caused a lot of money to be wasted. As a man, he makes a perfect toad! His word is meaningless and his example to his kids is horrific. All we can do is try and teach them how to live and respect others. But sometimes its like trying to climb Everest backwards with a blindfold on. Still, we do what we can.
Because of all the issues in her life, my Queen tried to push me away several times. But I’m a stubborn coot! I wouldn’t be pushed. Gradually our life has become better and our problems less. But we definitely had some huge things to overcome. I count myself very fortunate to have found this woman–she is a blessing from God. It would have been nice if our mother’s had still been living and could have met the two of us. Unfortunately, both our mother’s predeceased our meeting each other. At some point I may share some of the issues we fought through. But regardless, remember that relationships are lots of work. Couples who put in that work and who spend quality time together will develop stronger and stronger relationships. In our case, that is one of our goals!