The Perfect Marriage—Perhaps an Illusion!!

My third daughter has been estranged from us for over a year. Through the magic of texting, I managed to open a dialogue with her and her mother was ecstatic! After 15 months, she came to our home yesterday! She and my Queen had a lengthy and emotional conversation while I attended to cooking!

There were tears and hugs and the rift was well on it’s way to being repaired. There’s still a lot of work to do, but progress was made.

My daughter has had a very rough 15 months. She has grown up a lot though still more growing is needed. My Queen hasn’t told me all the stories she heard–and likely won’t, but has indicated some of them are horrific. Still in their conversation the topic of our marriage came up. Apparently all our kids feel we have the perfect marriage. All three of my daughters want to marry a man just like me. Who knew??

This got me thinking, “what is a perfect marriage?” And “why do our kids think we have the perfect marriage?”

First the perception: It’s flattering to find out your kids see you on this way. We do have a good marriage. We seldom fight and always resolve our differences. We openly show affection and there is evident respect between us. We do little things for each other on a regular basis. As my kids grew, I never spanked them. All punishments were “civilized” and almost never done in anger.

What else?? Well we have common interests and spend a lot of time together. We laugh together which can never be underestimated! Ultimately we support each other in every way we can.

All this is nice. But I want to dig deeper. So a little research is in order.

One article suggested that compromise was a key component to successful marriages. No one gets what they want all the time– most people in a couple will be willing to sacrifice to ensure their partner’s happiness. But this shouldn’t be a one way street. Both partners need to take turns making sacrifices! If only one is making sacrifices, then resentment builds up and the relationship is doomed.

The other key attribute this article mentioned was forgiveness. They suggested it had to be complete forgiveness that went forward without a backward look.

So I look at my marriage again. We do make compromises when necessary and both of us give in to the other on occasion. In fact I would prefer my Queen didn’t give in as often as she does–I enjoy her power in our FLR!

We have always forgiven each other and moved onward so I guess the forgiveness aspect is covered too.

Another article stressed the hard work that a food marriage needs. It also talked about compromise and trust! My wife and I trust each other implicitly! Considering how my wife’s first husband cheated on her relentlessly, that is saying a lot. And even if I was inclined (which I’m definitely not) it is unlikely that I would ever cheat on her–wearing a cage would likely turn most office “dalliances” into laughfests!

A few more articles mentioned communication as a key factor in a healthy and happy marriage. I believe that living any sort of BDSM relationship requires excellent communication between partners. In our marriage we have learned just how important communication is and have worked to make it a truly key part of what makes us tick. Saying what you mean in an unthreatening way opens the door to vulnerability and brings couples closer together. I have been very vulnerable in my desires to be caged and controlled by my wife. That was a difficult subject to broach. And yet it was accepted without scorn or derision.

So do I have a perfect marriage? Unlikely though it is a very good one. I like that we model good relationship skills for our kids. I like that they want something similar to what we have. I really like having my wife as my lifetime partner. I really can’t imagine going through life without her!

Together we work towards perfection. It’s good enough for us!!


  1. Glad you were able to talk to your daughter. 🙂
    Perhaps it’s not an illusion. Perhaps your marriage is perfect, and perhaps perfect actually includes imperfections, mistakes, fights and making up. The things that make you wonder.
    I also think power exchange in a long term relationship really accentuates what’s is needed for perfection in a relationship. It dials it in, creates focus and intent, so the state of your relationship is magnified and brought to light. In your case, perhaps it’s perfection being brought to light!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m very happy for you and your queen Michael. I truly believe that society’s vision of perfection is an illusion. As long as it is perfect for both of you that is all that matters.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So you’ve been estranged from your daughter for 15 months. You have issues with your son. Perhaps it would be a god idea to forego your sex an blogging life and devote more time to parenting your children.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My son has come a long way in the past year. He’s doing great. Thanks for your concern. My third daughter has also come a long ways. I appreciate your advice. But perhaps you have limited knowledge and should keep your thoughts to yourself. Or perhaps you are perfect and living the perfect life. If that is the case, you likely shouldn’t bother reading my blog or many of the blogs on here. They are all about imperfect people. Most very nice but few perfect. As a perfect person, reading these blogs must devastate your day.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Good for you and your Queen (and your daugthter). From your writing Michael I can only conclude that you two have a wonderful, loving (and spicy, deliciously spicy 😀) relationship – what is not to like? I am sure you are a great parent.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks Tom. I see you have read Wayne’s comment. Every so often he leaves a truly loving comment on my blog. I usually delete it, but was feeling annoyed this time. I still will likely delete it at some point…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Congratulations on your marriage, Michael! I read this when you first posted but didn’t get to comment as I was on my phone then but it’s given me a lot of food for thought. I’m glad that you’ve modeled a good marriage to your kids. I think that’s important even if the marriage isn’t perfect. Whose marriage is, anyway? I think seeing a happy marriage that is based on respect is crucial for our kids and it can be a struggle, most definitely. But we do what we can.

    Liked by 1 person

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