My third daughter has been estranged from us for over a year. Through the magic of texting, I managed to open a dialogue with her and her mother was ecstatic! After 15 months, she came to our home yesterday! She and my Queen had a lengthy and emotional conversation while I attended to cooking!
There were tears and hugs and the rift was well on it’s way to being repaired. There’s still a lot of work to do, but progress was made.
My daughter has had a very rough 15 months. She has grown up a lot though still more growing is needed. My Queen hasn’t told me all the stories she heard–and likely won’t, but has indicated some of them are horrific. Still in their conversation the topic of our marriage came up. Apparently all our kids feel we have the perfect marriage. All three of my daughters want to marry a man just like me. Who knew??
This got me thinking, “what is a perfect marriage?” And “why do our kids think we have the perfect marriage?”
First the perception: It’s flattering to find out your kids see you on this way. We do have a good marriage. We seldom fight and always resolve our differences. We openly show affection and there is evident respect between us. We do little things for each other on a regular basis. As my kids grew, I never spanked them. All punishments were “civilized” and almost never done in anger.
What else?? Well we have common interests and spend a lot of time together. We laugh together which can never be underestimated! Ultimately we support each other in every way we can.
All this is nice. But I want to dig deeper. So a little research is in order.
One article suggested that compromise was a key component to successful marriages. No one gets what they want all the time– most people in a couple will be willing to sacrifice to ensure their partner’s happiness. But this shouldn’t be a one way street. Both partners need to take turns making sacrifices! If only one is making sacrifices, then resentment builds up and the relationship is doomed.
The other key attribute this article mentioned was forgiveness. They suggested it had to be complete forgiveness that went forward without a backward look.
So I look at my marriage again. We do make compromises when necessary and both of us give in to the other on occasion. In fact I would prefer my Queen didn’t give in as often as she does–I enjoy her power in our FLR!
We have always forgiven each other and moved onward so I guess the forgiveness aspect is covered too.
Another article stressed the hard work that a food marriage needs. It also talked about compromise and trust! My wife and I trust each other implicitly! Considering how my wife’s first husband cheated on her relentlessly, that is saying a lot. And even if I was inclined (which I’m definitely not) it is unlikely that I would ever cheat on her–wearing a cage would likely turn most office “dalliances” into laughfests!
A few more articles mentioned communication as a key factor in a healthy and happy marriage. I believe that living any sort of BDSM relationship requires excellent communication between partners. In our marriage we have learned just how important communication is and have worked to make it a truly key part of what makes us tick. Saying what you mean in an unthreatening way opens the door to vulnerability and brings couples closer together. I have been very vulnerable in my desires to be caged and controlled by my wife. That was a difficult subject to broach. And yet it was accepted without scorn or derision.
So do I have a perfect marriage? Unlikely though it is a very good one. I like that we model good relationship skills for our kids. I like that they want something similar to what we have. I really like having my wife as my lifetime partner. I really can’t imagine going through life without her!
Together we work towards perfection. It’s good enough for us!!