There have been a lot of posts lately on what dominance is according to the different bloggers I follow. They are all responding to a meme but as I always have trouble linking things to my posts I’m afraid I’m just going to do my thing. I believe in this case they were responding to Missy and His Lordship’s meme. My apologies to the two of them. I’m just a wee bit technically challenged.
So first a disclaimer: there is no right or wrong way to do dominance and submission. We do what works for us and what we do is constantly evolving! Many, perhaps most, do things differently and that’s ok–even exciting. It’s always nice to read about different dynamics.
First a little about myself–I’m dominant in my job. I’m always polite (or I try to be) and I try to be tactful and considerate. But I’m in charge in my small world. That being said, I’ve wanted to be submissive in the bedroom all my life. I actually lost my virginity to a very dominant woman and that likely really influenced me. That and perhaps my 3-4 girlfriend was definitely kinky and dominant. She introduced me to golden showers and a variety of other kinks.
However my first wife was almost asexual and definitely wasn’t dominant sexually. She was a strong woman who wouldn’t take guff from anyone, but just wasn’t into being the boss. I gave her ample opportunity but it just wasn’t her. She was also content to having sex once or twice a year–and if you’ve followed my blog for very long, you have to know how difficult that was for me. Masturbation ruled in that house–it had to!
When I divorced, I was adamant that whomever I ended up with would like sex! It was important to me moving forward. I dated a few women before I met my Queen. One tried very hard to be dominant but it wasn’t her natural state of mind. We had some fun and I occasionally dominated her. Usually though she would dominate me. And she did have a great imagination. Another woman identified as dominant and we also had a lot of fun. But they weren’t potential life partners.
In December of 2002, I met my Queen. We spoke on line a bit and then, exchanged phone numbers. Our phone conversations went very well, so we decided to meet in person. We loved about 60 km away from each other so we chose a spot almost equidistant from each of our homes where we could meet safely. It was a roadhouse type restaurant and bar. We met at 8:00 in the evening and closed the place down at 2:00 am. We then moved outside and sat together in her car. I was. Dry open about my sexual desires though I don’t think I mentioned domination and submission. It wasn’t an attempt to be secretive, it just never came up. Many things did come up and were discussed including my favourite public hair styles etc. We clicked severely.
From that moment on, we were together! In fact our second date was about 6 days later and after that we saw each other almost every day. I told a good friend of mine that I had found the girl I was going to marry–AFTER our first date!!
It didn’t take like for me to tell my Queen about my desire to be dominated. She hasn’t a submissive bone in her body and would dominate me regularly. But she didn’t want to do it all the time. This was enough for me.
The beauty of life was how open we were with each other. We shared fantasies and memories of all our experiences. Our sex was volcanic and often. It was wonderful. One day while we were in our local sex shop I saw a penis cage. I was intrigued. We spoke about it briefly, but my brain was intrigued!
I went back a while later and purchased it. I introduced it when we went to get busy one time. She was surprised. But honestly she wasn’t understanding what I was looking for.
I read Caged Lion’s journal and found out about Mature Metal. I went to their website and ordered a Jailbird. I also found some contracts on line and chose one. I adapted it and when away with my Queen, I presented it to her. For the first time she understood what I was after. She agreed to try it. We went for three months Our first time. Then we took a break. We started again in June of that year (2016). We’ve been going ever since. Over time she has become more dominant over me. I think a year later I explained an FLR to her and we started that.
We’ve had our ups and downs but ultimately we are both enjoying this lifestyle. She has evolved into someone who enjoys disciplining me–at least some of the time. She has gotten more creative about when and how she disciplines me. She no longer worries about whether I orgasm or not. She enjoys my frustration. She usually is polite when she asks me to do things, but occasionally she is downright abrupt or demanding. My daughter called her on this the other day. And my Queen laughed as I immediately got up to do as requested. Our kids don’t know our lifestyle, so my daughter’s reaction was amusing to the two of us.
I need to feel like she’s in control. I crave her discipline–not because I love pain–but I love her control. I love to be told to do things. I love for her to stretch me and my limits. I particularly like when she has me do risky exposure type things. I have no desire to be arrested or to display myself to kids etc. But I do like being made to exhibit myself in “safe” situations. I have a very real fantasy of being made to show some friend of hers my cage while wearing it. It may never happen but the fantasy exists.
I like how she is becoming more comfortable asking things of me. That feeds my submission. When she decides we are to have sex, she also decides how, where, and when it will happen. In the past month she has kept me caged twice while we had sex! Angus was cramped and crying with desire. She had multiple orgasms and I loved giving them to her, but Angus didn’t even have the limited pleasure of penetration or being free to erect. Serving her really feeds my submission and adds to how horny I’m feeling.
So for me, serving her really makes me feel good and puts me into my submissive state. As time goes on, she is getting better at demanding things from me so our roles are becoming more ingrained. I’m loving it!!
Pictures in this post are again from Pinterest.