This is a topic that has been making the rounds. No doubt a meme or topic suggested by some clever person. I’m not good with memes. Linking up to others etc. But I wanted to share my thoughts on this. Codependency is often thought of as a negative quality. This is because in our society today we value independence. We push our kids to become more independent. It’s a sign of growing up.

Now I am more than capable of surviving –perhaps even thriving on my own. But I am happier with my Queen. We spend a lot of time together. We laugh, cook, clean, workout, watch TV–in fact we do virtually everything together. Personally doing things with my Queen is natural and just seems “right”.

When we face tough times, we support and calm each other down. We provide encouragement to each other. We do things for each other–some of these are little things just to show we are thinking about the other while some are done to ease the others life and make a day easier. Still other things might be romantic gestures designed to make the other feel better.

My Queen accepted our lifestyle of an FLR originally because of my request and fantasies. We had been living more or less in one anyways. But she tried it because of my request. Now I’m not sure we could go back to the way it was, but to make what we have work, we each have to depend on the other.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we depend on each other for all of life’s benefits. And we support each other in all of life’s trials. While apart we are still strong, when we are together we are stronger still. That’s what codependency means for me. It isn’t a weakness or a problem. It’s an indication of strength. I guess the difference between us or the perception of codependency in the general public is that we can do well on our own–we just choose not to.


  1. This is a beautiful way of putting it. You’re right that codependency is generally looked upon as negatively but it doesn’t and shouldn’t have to be. I fully wholeheartedly support your perception of codependency!

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    • You know a popular “truth” is that it takes a village to raise a child. That is everyone in the village depending on the others to do their part so that the children are raised to adulthood as caring competent adults. Everyone is codependent on everyone else. So if it’s good in that sense, why can’t it be good in other ways?? Thank you.

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  2. I love the message of this post! My husband and I do most things together as well, and we depend on one another in a healthy, supportive way like you described above.

    But, if we look at the dictionary definition of codependent, “of or relating to a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted, as to alcohol or gambling, and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way”, I’m guessing that’s where whatever meme you saw originated. Totally different meaning in the mental health field than what you were describing.

    Jeez…I really hope that I’m not sounding like some know-it-all. I guess because I use that term in therapy with clients, it is important to me that it is understood. Obviously, the kind of love that you and your Queen share is not “codependent” as the term is used in mental health. The two of you, and your marriage, rocks! I adore the two of you.

    XOXO, nora

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  3. HD and I are the same way! When he is home, we do everything together. The only time we are apart is if he is returning movies to the Redbox or when I go to therapy. For everything else, we are with each other. It’s healthy for us, it makes us happy. We could easily do things apart and be fine, but we choose not to. 😊

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  4. I love this post Michael and always enjoy reading your thoughts. I also like the way that we are able to rely on each other for things.

    If you ever want to take part in Tell Me About then I will happily add your post. I had really wanted to collect a resource for those looking for information on aspects of D/s and yours in an important voice so it would be great to have you linked up as part of it. If I can help at all then please let me know 😊

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